Fear
On WHAT was going on
"A single orchard cannot be a forest - That was a proverb that always bothered me. It took me years to understand that it doesn't say just that" he smiled as he said that. "A banyan tree that can stand for years still starts as a seed" he winked.
Riya was listening intently to his enthusiastic face. "I'm not sure where this is going, but I can't dismiss the effort you've done for a year. With little to no support from people. Tell me then, Fred, You're saying those simple, empty pictures mean so many things?"
“Precisely. But it's much more that. For starters, none of my posts is 'blank' — And just like everything else I say, or write, this is multilayered. As is life for that matter. The many layers of nuances provide the allegory to life. So many layers — Symbols, signs, colours, psychology, philosophy, religion, technology, ethics, morals, science, politics, linguistics, geography, optics, writing. Each of them is. They will never end in a singular idea and I can guarantee that”
“You’re pretty impressed with yourself now aren’t you?” she smirked.
“Haha, maybe. Maybe not. And among all the points I’m trying to make, is this very crucial one — ”
"And that is?" she squinted.
"Patience"
“To enable people to realize the significance of patience?”
“Not just other people. But myself. I need to learn to be patient too. To be patient to let people try it out, and to understand that not everybody is going to figure it out. And that this isn’t going to be a success and that it’s okay — This isn’t an exploration for them alone. But an exploration of myself and reality— there, there’s one that’s a deep layer of my experiment. We're all exploring our selves throughout our life. Most of us aren't aware of that fact though. What would happen if you realize the sculpture that you're carving? Every day?"
“Do you think this is going to work? Because I don’t”
“I was afraid of that”
“But people don’t have the time or the patience to — ”she stopped as she said it, realizing that that’s exactly what he’s trying to prove. Of course, I have and will keep giving hints to people — and it isn’t going to stop there.
“Alright. I think I see what you’re aiming for, although I am sure you know better to have high hopes that people will get this. So what’s your contingency plan?” she asked. She cared enough to make sure he doesn’t get upset upon failing in this little year-long experiment of his.
He was quiet for a while. “Well, ever since I started this, I had that question. Or perhaps, I was wondering how to handle the failure. Because I was doubtful. Doubtful that I can do this. And that people can put trust in me. But that’s one of the goals of this experiment — to be okay with a failed attempt. Imagine a year of failed effort — and imagine the hours and hours of efforts that I had to go through. I’ve always been afraid of failures Riya. Always. And it took me far longer to realize that failure is part of the process. That failure is what gives purpose to success. Failure creates meaning out of futile efforts”
The days of difficulties
She saw that just talking about it was emotional for him. "But...Fred, at--"
"At what cost?" Fred smiled. And that smile faded into a rather sad emotion as fast as it appeared.
"I've been asking myself that, Riya. I've been doing this for so long, or perhaps longer than what I've ever done something out of my interest.
"I... I'm not sure of it." He was squinting to think hard to say those words.
"What's on your mind?" she sounded genuinely concerned.
"Sacrifices, Riya. The many sacrifices that I had to do for this. I mean... can you imagine? The pressure that I had to do this every week? Of course, nobody compelled me to do this. But that's the point. Can I trust myself? Isn't that what we should do every day? I mean if that's not what is possible, I don't think what else is possible"
Riya recollected him often saying "We can lie to anyone about anything. But we should never lie to ourselves". It certainly made her think - What exactly would be the point if I can't trust myself? But that being said, do I trust myself one hundred percent if I vouch for something? As surprising as it was to her, she couldn't come up with a valid answer to that question.
"You wouldn't believe the many days - Life, Riya, life is complicated. Life always gets in the way when you're trying to live your life. Isn't it ironical?" He laughed. A wry laugh - Laughing at the helplessness of it all. "There were days where I was with my family, days where I was out with a friend. When I forgot my gadgets. Days when I had to write from my dinner table. Days where I was taking a break on the hillside hunting for a wee-bit of reception for me to post it without forgetting. Days where I woke up from the middle of the sleep to find that it is not Sunday yet. Days when I had to hide and hunt for privacy to make and post these images. Days when I held down plans just so I would be able to post it. The day when I was literally out of ideas for captions..." he recollected every moment as he was saying them. It was apparent that all of it was true. And many unsaid ones.
"Go ask people to do something new, something they have never done prior in their life - and ask them to follow it for a month, let alone convert it into a habit. Go ask the person who promised he'll go to the gym on the first day of the year. Those were all the difficult moments."
"Well, Consistency and perseverance can be quite difficult to master. But that's also why they are worth it" Riya added. "Precisely. People think some are born with talents. Not really. People can gravitate towards some interests over others by birth. But unless they pursue it consistently, they will not be able to achieve whatever it is that they think they put their mind into"
"You still haven't answered my question - The cost"
"Haha, And the cost - Well, that's the thing"
"That, brought meaning to this all, didn't it?" she winked. He smiled in reciprocation. You can't gain something without sacrificing something else. Question isn't whether you're ready to sacrifice, it's whether you're in charge of what you choose to sacrifice. Because you sacrifice no matter what you pick